Connecting 101

When you meet someone new, do you ask in your thoughts, "What can you give me?" I do, but I wasn't aware of that until my drummer/artist friend, Fred Goodnight, told me about a time when he walked into a bar to listen to a band and a tall stranger confronted him at the door. "What do you have to give me?" the stranger asked. Fred didn't know how to answer the question. The stranger told Fred that that is the first and only honest question we should ask, because that is foremost in our minds: "What can you give me?" 

Now when I meet someone, I'm aware of having that question and another one--"What can I give you?" Maybe you have another question floating around in your thoughts, like, "Who are you?" Regardless of what form a question might take, the result I'm always looking for when I converse with someone is Connection. Connection is what we give each other, and it manifests in various forms and expressions. 

This morning I attended Rev. Ron Fox's service at the Center for Spiritual Living in Rockledge.  Find him speaking in the links below. The last link is his new church's web site, still under construction.

Rev. Ron Fox at Asilomar, 2008
Rev. Ron Fox

Rev. Ron Fox, Center for Spiritual Living

Several women came over to me afterwards who remembered me from the years when I played music at the Unity Church in Melbourne. That was one form of connection--to the past we shared. And, after listening to Rev. Fox's well-formed talk about what legacy will we leave (the perfect talk for me!), I realized I had something I could offer Rev. Fox--facilitating an ongoing Life Writers' group. 

Life Writers' groups read aloud the stories they've written from their lives, and over time, as they deepen in their understanding and appreciation of themselves and each other, they become supportive and loving--very closely connected. 

Sharing personal information isn't always necessary for connecting with others. Janine Chimera and Ronni were the musicians at the Center for Spiritual Living this morning. As always, Janine's and Ronni's singing and song choices were on the theme and beautiful. Afterwards, Janine told me the story of how she started the Aqua Tones. 

So much in the news concerns water--climate change, the Gulf oil spill, and now the radioactive waste leaking into the ocean in Japan. Janine started the AquaTones during the Gulf oil spill disaster, out of her desire to do what she could--visualize the water as pure. She told me that after she announced the first get-together, along with her intention, she didn't know if anyone would show up. But she showed up and, to her surprise, so did 40 others. Janine doesn't claim to know what impact their visualizing is having on the ocean waters, but through their drumming, chanting, intoning, and other healing rituals, and without much talking or sharing of personal information, they have formed a connection with each other that has changed them. 

Janine announces on Facebook when and where the Aqua Tones are meeting. I downloaded these pictures from her Facebook page. Thank you, Janine! In the top photo, she is in the center, wearing blue.

Aqua Tones on the Beach

Janine's story reminded me of my own story of connection with my mother. Believing I was in great need of Divine intervention, Mother spent her life fervently praying for me. I think she gave instructions to every Presbyterian minister she knew to keep my name on the church's prayer list forever. Despite the fact that she took very good care of me in my childhood and gave me the priceless gift of music, her harsh judgement throughout my life caused problems for me. 

When dementia overtook her, she forgot how many times I'd been married and how many men I'd lived with out of wedlock and how many unwise choices I'd made with disastrous consequences. She didn't remember my birthday or how old I was. She only knew I was her daughter, and for those few years, she held me in the purest love I'd ever known from her. She would look at me with total adoration and say, "You are so beautiful! What year are you in school, honey?" Her love was all I ever wanted! Sitting by her, immersed in the light of her innocent love, I wondered how differently my life might have gone if I had felt that loving connection with her from the beginning. 

Mother, me, and sister Margo in 1978

What are you looking for when you meet someone? How would you define "connection"? How do you form connections to others, and what stories came to your mind as you read this blog?