I'm always asking life writers in my groups to look under the rocks in their past and present lives and to write about what is lurking there. Those dark, painful memories and emotions are the seat of our creativity. Becoming familiar with our "dark" side is the key to what makes us tick.
What role, if any, does a sense of shame play in your life? That emotion is closely connected to guilt. Guilt can trigger a sense of shame.
Shame plays a major role in my life. It goes deep. It is the subject matter of every terrifying nightmare that awakens me. My sense of shame prompts me to do whatever I can to distract myself from it and escape it. I believe it is the reason for most of my actions, including over-working at a job, watching TV, playing Free Cell on the computer (before my lap top went under!), learning to manage technology, and cleaning house. When I create--write a song, draw a cartoon, design a CD cover, plant flowers in my yard--it's all to bring on the euphoria and escape that dark feeling of shame that would smother me if I didn't take action.
I've gotten quiet and meditated when I felt it coming on. I've allowed myself to feel the feeling of shame and let it pass on by. I will sometimes drink a cup of tea (a miraculous anti-depressant). I've talked back to it, constructing new logical "yes-but" arguments to scare it off. I've connected that feeling to my childhood and discovered the possible roots of it. Still, it's an ongoing, recurring emotion that confronts me. Every event in my life, and everything I do and don't do finds its way to the shame-pit.
Who would I be without that painful sense of shame nudging me forward into creating a better life and a better me? Good question.
What part does shame play in your life?
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