Life of the Artist

"How can I know what my real personality is when I feel depressed for months and then suddenly, for no reason, feel very happy?" my friend asked me this morning.

"We can't really know ourselves, ever," I answered.

In fact, I've come to believe that like diamonds, we're always expressing fragments of ourselves, depending on where the light is shining--in other words, the combination of the situation we're in and who we're interacting with, our inner life and the billions of impulses streaming through our brains without our awareness. But within our consciousness, it's impossible for us to behold all of our millions of facets at the same time.

So if it's true that we can never know ourselves, how can we expect to know who we are as artists? This is one of the American Idol judges' most frequent comments to the contestants--the compliment: "You know who you are," or more often the criticism: "You don't know who you are."

What adjectives would you use to describe yourself? I think every adjective that exists would probably describe some facet of my being that expresses itself fully or in part in any given moment--serious, silly, intense, apathetic, afraid, fearless, ecstatic, depressed, happy, sad--even simultaneous opposites. And yet, my friends will say to me, "That is SO YOU!" And I'll say to myself, "Sometimes."

I believe we're all artists and creators, expressing in our unique ways, and like everyone else, I've done my share of creating throughout my life. Whether it's drawing cartoons few people have ever seen, or writing and recording songs, practicing and performing music, or writing a book or this blog, the artist's life makes me feel so happy. When I'm in the act of creating, I'm in love with that magical part of me that expresses itself. It doesn't matter that I don't know who I am.

What got me thinking about all of this was a letter my sister wrote to me back in November 1977. She was in Clown School in Orlando. She included with her letter this poem her teacher had given her that she said was written by rock guitarist Terry Brooks and Strange.  Here is what he wrote:

Life of the Artist
by Terry Brooks and Strange

If you have chosen the arts
To be your life's profession
You have started an endless voyage
Into time and space
That has no beginning or end
You are suspended in a void
Of thought and magic
And you will walk to the end of time
And to the edge of insanity
And you will search for yourself
In the mirror of life
To understand your own reflection
Only to find you are translucent
And you cannot concentrate
On your own existence
Because the you of yourself
Is beyond time and dimension
You are a fragment of thought
Or an extension of all existing things
We are all children of the universe
United as one, we are free to play
The symphony of life.